Is your relationship one-sided?

Do you allow others to meet their needs but discount yours?

Are you afraid to disagree and state your opinion?

Is it important to please people to make them like you?

Is your mood dependent on the mood of someone else?

Do you wish there was more reciprocity in your relationship?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, keep reading as you may be codependent.

Co-dependency develops for a number of reasons including a history of childhood trauma, having poor boundaries, and low self-esteem. When you feel worthless and not good enough, co-dependency can result.

To improve your relationships, co-dependent patterns should be identified. Then, work to break the patterns you have developed that keep you in a co-dependent status.

Here are 10 ways to break co-dependency:

  1. Stop ignoring your needs or thinking they are unimportant. Relationships are not supposed to be one sided. Over time, you will become resentful if your needs do not get met and you are always doing for others.
  2. Get out and interact with others. One way to break the cycle of co-dependency is to develop relationships outside the one that feels co-dependent. Join a group, serve in your church or go out with friends occasionally. This will give you much needed perspective.
  3. Change your thinking. If your thoughts are negative, work on making them more positive. Stop listening to one person who may want to keep you in that dependent place.
  4. Set boundaries. This is one of the most important steps to breaking co-dependency. Know where your needs begin and where his or her needs end. Set limits and stop over doing for the other person.
  5. Don’t put your life on hold. Evaluate your life calling and purpose. Continue moving forward on both fronts. If another person is holding you back, consider that a sign of co-dependency.
  6. Find happiness through your spiritual life. We can always find joy and peace in our relationship with God and should not depend on others to make us happy. Yes, you want to be happy in a relationship, but your happiness should not depend on the other person.
  7. Take time for a little self-care. This is not the same as being selfish, so do it and lose the guilt.
  8. Spend time alone and figure out who you are apart from the other person. To grow in a relationship, you have to know who you are apart from that person. The goal of all healthy relationships is to be separate, but attached.
  9. Don’t fall prey to being blamed, have others play the victim or accept guilt trips. Decide if your behavior was appropriate and then refuse to be the target for other peoples’ issues.
  10. Stop thinking your worth is determined by others. You are worthy because God created you and sees you as one of His. Don’t give others the power to define you.

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