Fear. Fear is real. Paralyzing and debilitating. I know. It has plagued the last two years of my life. Someone whom I loved, cherished and trusted has broken a sacred boundary and has entered the realm of the unknown. “Who is this person now?” “What will he do to me?” “Who will believe me?” Where I once felt safe, I now feel scared. Where I once ran to, I now run from. Where I once trusted, I now doubt.

Fear entered in the form of text messages, emails, hate-mail and phone calls. Endless. Tap, tap, tapping my days. It was unescapable. Lies. Hate. Excuses. Slander. Manipulation. They all filled my life and my mind. Darkness snuck into my life.

I franticly prepared boundaries. I blocked text messages, changed my email, refused mail delivery, blocked my phone, and for a minute peace washed over, until….”IT” appeared. A small envelope on my door step. My thoughts panicked. Racing. Heaving breaths. And the thought emerged. He was here. He was watching…

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces never covered with shame. Psalm 34:4-5

If you read your bible you know God’s word says many times not to fear. I have learned fear is a natural part of life. It is a feeling. I have learned I am living here on earth and in my flesh, I feel fear. In this situation my fear is real. There is a risk for me, my family and my personal belongings. However, it is what I do with my fear that really matters. I run. Straight into the arms of Jesus.

Jesus is my refuge. My ever-present help in trouble. He hears me, and I am never alone. I have learned that God can handle me. All of me. The good. The bad. And the ugly. I pour it out. Give it straight to Him. It never is pretty, but God knows our heart. He knows our worries. He knows our pain and our fear.

One day, (okay let’s be real) for months, I was feeling immobile. I kept looking over my shoulder and peeking out my window. I locked my doors and checked them multiple times. Sometimes I even let my outside dog in my house. My neck muscles were sore and tense. Every time I would hear a noise I would jump. Fear even disrupted my sleep and spilled into my family. “Enough!” I thought. It was time to get serious. I called in the troops. I needed prayer and lots of it. It was time for transparency. I was not able to handle this on my own. My fear had gotten too BIG.

As others began to pray for me I began to pray too. I would walk through my house praying and reading God’s word.
“You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” Psalm 139:5
“You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.” Psalm 91:5-7
“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways.” Psalm 91:11
One day I was doing my prayer walk and I looked out my back window. There were four pair of cardinals; male and female. I had never seen anything like it. I fumbled for my camera unable to get a good picture. I told my children of this beautiful sight. Shortly after, my children and I went to the mall. As we were walking down the aisle I noticed a picture in a kiosk. It was a picture of a cardinal. It had the words, “When angels are near, cardinals appear” written on it. My mouth gaped open. My children too. Angels are near. Hmmm. When we arrived home from the mall I got the mail from the mailbox. I opened a Christmas card and it had a cardinal on the front with the words, “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 All of a sudden, I realized I am cared for and protected. Always.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces never covered with shame. Fear. But then. God. Light pierced through and broke the darkness. God heard my pleas. He heard my friends. He saw my pain and my fear. He came in beautiful and powerful. He spoke to me originally and touched the center of my heart. Fear dissolved in the presence of the Lord.