Is it important to wait until the emotions of a new relationship have died down before committing to marriage?
Author and marriage researcher Scott Stanley discusses the impact emotions and chemistry play on dating relationships.
“It is not unfair to say it is sort of like we are on drugs.”
While it feels good to be under the influence of such a level of infatuation, it can cloud our judgement.
“We are not the best able to see clearly and I think it’s pretty relevant for people to realize that if you choose somebody while you’re in that phase, as opposed to getting to know the person better and letting things calm down.”
Often, friends and family attempt to step into slow down a couple that is rushing headlong into marriage without having a solid foundation.
“They might know that person better because they’re not clouded by the chemistry and they can see.”
Inevitably, the chemistry will die down slightly and the feelings won’t always be there as strong or as consistently.
“That stuff is going to die down some and you want to know what we are going to have when that dies down.”
Can romance be kept alive after the feelings die down a bit?
“Not that we can’t keep it alive and keep romance and passion alive, but some of the beneficial effects of all those chemicals that made is so easy early on are gone.”
Scott loves to use a metaphor about his dog to describe this idea.
“You fall in love with the front end of the puppy, but every puppy has a back end. That’s where the work of the relationship is, that’s why commitment is so important because you don’t always just feel like it, you don’t always have the chemistry just driving you with this sort of feeling of puppy love.”