Preparing for marriage involves more than picking out a dress and setting a date. Dr. Jim Burns has years of experience teaching parents and teens about biblical patterns of living in today’s complex culture. On this latest Connecting Faith he shares his advice for couples considering marriage from his book Getting Ready For Marriage. It’s practical planning for life after the wedding with Dr. Jim Burns.
One-third of couples who get engaged end up calling off the wedding in pre-marital counseling. What is it about this process that can have such a profound impact? Dr. Jim says that engaged couples need to brave enough to tackle the toughest issues during this period – financial problems, sex, in-laws, communication, and more.
Many of us go into marriage believing we can “work on” this other person, making the improvements we most want to see. Yet, Dr. Jim says that working on ourselves is vital. You’re not going to change who someone else is, but you are the only one you can change. Become the person you want to marry.
Dr. Jim tackles the issue of honesty before marriage. What things need to be said, and are there some things better left unsaid? He believes there are certain things that shouldn’t come as a surprise after the wedding: mental health issues, alcoholism, poor spending habits & sexual history among them. Above all, spiritually compatible couples will have a greater chance of a successful marriage than those with differing values.
So what should someone do if a potential red flag is discovered in a potential marriage partner? Dr. Jim says that council from those you trust is key.
We also gain wisdom on dealing with conflict. Learning how to manage conflict is a healthy habit for couples, says Dr. Jim. Yes – it can be painful, but the truth is that there is pain both ways. Working through the conflict brings pain, but there is the pain of regret if we choose not to work through it as well.
