Before you date: what you need to know

Is it OK to ask young married couples you are acquainted with if they can “introduce” you to other singles they know? Is it OK to have a list of qualities and preferences you’re looking for in a potential husband or wife? Why is the opposite sex so enigmatic, and why am I not married yet?

These are all questions that can continually swirl around in the heads and hearts of Christian singles. Unfortunately, thanks to the culture’s skewed messages on relationships and otherwise, many singles in the church struggle to cope with or embrace singleness in a biblical way.

What, as a single, are you to make of your singleness?



Lisa Anderson is the Program Director of Focus on the Family’s Boundless singles ministry. She writes, speaks, and hosts the Boundless radio program. In her new book,  , Lisa underscores the need to do some soul-searching before you determine your status of being “marriageable”.

“We approach dating and the pursuit of marriage with a totally consumer mindset where we’re very much like, ‘what are the things [in my partner] that are going to complete me?’

Anderson says that young singles should instead take a long-term view of marriage:

“I think that if a lot of twenty-somethings sat down and thought to themselves… ‘What’s the type of person that forty years from now, I want to be going through life with, I want to be going through hardships with, I want to be growing old with, I want to be doing retirement with or doing challenging health issues with?’ …I think it would change our perspective on what we’re actually looking for.”

She says, generally speaking, there are four questions to ask before dating:

1. Do they love Jesus, and are a disciple of Jesus Christ?

2. Are they in a position to marry?

3. Are they humble and teachable?

4. Do you share a calling?

Highlight: making a list? check it twice.