Although it might feel like it at times, you’re not alone in your marriage. God desires for you to have a strong, Christ-centered connection with your husband and for you to be a positive influence in his life.

Gary Thomas shares a few practical steps wives can take to positively influence their husbands and love them well.

“Before I would even try to influence him, make sure you ask the question, ‘Am I rooted in the Lord?'”

“Second, make sure your husband knows you are for him. If a guy isn’t convinced of that, if we don’t feel like we can win the game, we’re not going to play the game. If we don’t think we can please you and you’re not for us, then we’re not going to try.”

He stresses the importance of changing yourself, before you can start to see a change in your spouse.

“The third then is saying, ‘Lord, how do I become strong? I don’t want to become a co-dependent, on the other hand, I don’t want to be so negative. I don’t want to be controlling, but I want to speak the truth.’ These are all relational skills that can be developed, we have to recognize what they are, but it starts by working on us.”

“We have to learn the ability to love and speak the truth without controlling, to let people face the consequences of their actions, and to leave that in the hand of God.”

Gary says it’s also important to pray and ask God to help you see your husband with fresh eyes.

“Having fresh eyes is asking, ‘How do I remember what I love about my spouse, and what I fell in love with about my spouse so that my eyes still light up when I see them? That they know how much I cherish them, so that they don’t only think with fresh eyes about the weaknesses, but that I also remember the strengths.”

As godly wives, we can make a few minor adjustments in our hearts and minds to bring our marriages into a deeper level of intimacy and influence.


Gary Thomas, bestselling author of Sacred Marriage, is a writer in residence and a member of the teaching team at Second Baptist Church, Houston, Texas. His books have sold more than a million copies worldwide and have been translated into more than a dozen languages. He and his wife, Lisa, have been married for more than thirty years.

Gary Thomas on loving your husband well

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