Highlight: Winning together in marriage

Men are born with an inner drive to make things happen and win at what they do. But if there’s a winner there also has to be a loser.

“The tendency is for some people to think that means men have to win over someone like their wife.”

Mike Bechtle explains how men can win in their marriage relationship without their spouse losing.

“They may need to win, but they don’t have to win over her, they have to win with her.”

How can a couple win together?

“One woman said, does that mean I have to be a cheerleader and get out the pompoms? That feels weird to do. But it’s a need that a man has, it could be little things just catching a man doing something right, it can really provide that fuel.”

For example, Mike and his wife moved into a new house, they noticed that the baseboards were not painted. One day when Mike’s wife was out of the house, he decided to paint the baseboards. Naturally, he wanted her to come home and notice them and complement his work.

“I wanted her to tell me that I had done a good job because I knew what that would feel like, but I’ve also learned that if we’re going to do this in partnership, I can’t wait for her to notice and hope she notices, because I’ll be disappointed if she doesn’t.”

So what did Mike do?

“When she got home that day she walked in the door and I said, could you come in the guest room and just oooh and ahhh over the baseboards that I painted? I didn’t wait for her and try to hint, it’s a partnership and we do this together.”

Men and women alike fall into the trap of hinting at these to their spouse. Then, when their spouse doesn’t respond the way they want, they become resentful. As couples, it’s in our best interest to be open and honest about our needs and wants so that we can win together.

Mike Bechtle is the author of , , and You Can’t Text a Tough Conversation. His articles have appeared in publications such as Writer’s Digest, Pastors.com, and Entrepreneur. A frequent speaker, Bechtle lives in California.

Key Scripture: Micah 6:8

Featured Songs: I’m Not Who I Was – Brandon Heath; Dive – Steven Curtis Chapman; God is On the Move – 7th Time Down

I wish he came with instructions