Mother Material

She was a remarkable mother. Not that you would have recognized her maternal potential as a youngster and young woman. No, this mother was a late bloomer, much like the gladiola’s that graced her backyard garden in a modest house in a small town in southern Minnesota.

Born as one of seven Finish children in Upper Peninsula Michigan, she spoke English as a second language. A Finish weekly newspaper, local Finish radio station, and her Finish Lutheran church provided total immersion for her cultural orientation. Raised in a warm and loving home on the farm, destiny called her to a faraway place, Rochester, Minnesota. Home to a world famous medical center where she would learn nursing. Her parents provided educational financial support exclusive to her anticipating their sacrifice would enable one of their children to excel at school and in life.

As school valedictorian her scholastic accomplishment offered an escape to the exciting center of world class medicine. But here she took a wrong turn. Successful in nursing, she also swooned for men promising travel and adventure. She started taking weekend trips with men, some of who were wealthy patients at the Mayo Clinic, a few married. Truly a compromise of her standards not to mention violating her nursing vows. A wild, reckless heart and carefree attitude about love and romance lead to more than one secret, illicit relationship, scandalous for her era.

Roller skating with her medical school boyfriend one night, she saw the very handsome, well-built guy with whom she had previously spent a wild night. Embarrassed to be discovered with her steady, she desperately tried to hide behind this skinny young medical student. Failing, the movie star looking, muscular guy skated right up to her and snatched her away from her wimpy boyfriend. And they roller skated the rest of the night away, never looking back as they spun around and around together.

With stars in their eyes, he convinced her the nice car and money he had to burn came from his successful farming operation. Swept her off her feet, she left the medical student far behind. Actually he had no real income. He stayed at his father’s farm, recklessly spending the $5000 saved from World War II military service. After a couple months of wild dating and compromised standards, he learned that she was pregnant.

Would she keep the baby? It was easy for her to take care of the “problem” in this medical community where no one could ever find out.

No, they did the right thing and eloped. Imagine her families’ consternation when they learned the truth.

Reality for each started during the honeymoon. He learned she could not cook as they survived on tomato sandwiches. She learned they would not be living on her new husband’s farm. He had no farm. Rather, they would stay with his parents in their very marginal farm operation as her life was forever changed.

After a couple of years of marriage, the farm was failing financially. Worse yet, when the dairy herd was repossessed their only income source was eliminated. This crisis precipitated a disaster. Her husband had a nervous breakdown. Forced into court-ordered institutional commitment, he was so deranged he tore the sink off the prison cell wall as he awaited the civil commitment proceedings. He was diagnosed with serious and persistent bipolar disorder. They would have to manage this illness for life. During this time, their oldest child developed polio and their new daughter was born a “preemie” which forced them into a period of hospitalization and a huge medical bill at the Mayo Clinic. They had no hospital insurance, no income, no home – nothing. They had to find shelter with relatives and friends while her husband was treated at the state hospital.

Destitution did something regenerative to her. She recognized how far she had fallen, but chose to stay with him. She fought to recover her family and reestablish a home. And she rediscovered her faith in Christ.

As the years passed, she compared the path she had chosen to the one she could have lived. Her medical student boyfriend rose through the ranks to became an internationally recognized medical leader and world traveler and lecturer.

In contrast, her husband took a factory assembly job but remained subjected to regular recommitments to mental health facilities as he poorly managed his illness. During the mania phase of his bipolar illness, he would spend money they did not have, become agitated with her, and embarrass the whole family as he marched in his Marine uniform, barking cadence and frightening folks in their small village.

Her parents watched with dismay. She experienced condemnation from family and neighbors. Yet she stayed with her family. Her stubborn husband refused to let her “work outside the home” so it was years before she could start to enjoy the nursing profession she loved so dearly. As a fallen woman, she was not invited to serve in church and community leadership roles. Yet her renewed faith in Christ was an inspiration to many and led others to renew their faith following her example.

Her redemption included becoming an exalted cook among her church friends and family. No more tomato sandwiches. Her very modest kitchen was the source of many, many warm and happy meals. Any church visitor or hungry guest could expect to be served a sumptuous meal with the cheerful banter of a happy homemaker. She was an angelic supplier delivering her famous cinnamon rolls and gentle attention to “shut-ins” or those unfortunates needing to know someone cared. Her children depended upon her to keep the family intact and her husband safe.

No one can deny she was mother material. In fact, she became the mystical material from which all wonderful mothers are made.

And I should know…as her oldest child, I was her “problem” so many years ago.