Many days had passed since Michel of Avranches had entered the hallowed halls of the castle, Mont Saint Portlandia, to begin restoration of a broken life.

A year earlier, in 1187, Michel led eighty Knights Templar on a Crusade to go and defend the Holy Land. After a long and dangerous journey, he was commanded by the King of Jerusalem to seek out and report the location of the opposing army of Saladin.

Although his men were exhausted and had insufficient water and supplies to go into the arid, hill country of Galilee, he would obey orders. After spending the night on the hill where the Son of Man had been crucified, he led his fearless knights out from the David Gate of Jerusalem into the desert conditions of Galilee.

The Templars were overcome by the heat within a day, and surrounded and massacred by Saladin’s army. Michel of Avranches survived by pulling some of his fallen ‘brothers’ over him. The next day, walking through the corpses of his slaughtered men, he fell onto his knees and screamed, “God, why didn’t You allow me to die with my men? I trusted You and now they’re all dead.” He ripped off his uniform and stomped on the tattered Templar cross, “I will not serve a God who allowed this.”

And so began his solo pilgrimage from the Holy Land to his beloved Avranches. Isolation and despair were his companions and shame held him captive. Michel medicated his inner pain with the evil wizard’s juice.

In despair, he placed a noose around his neck, as guilt had become unbearable. As he was about to leap into oblivion, he heard a quiet, whisper: “My beloved knight, I saved you, by grace, for My purpose.” He took the noose from around his neck and walked away.

His pilgrimage ended months later, upon reaching his destination–Mont Saint Portlandia. Shame kept him from entering and began medicating, once again, with the evil wizard’s concoctions. In the small village nearby, people heard of the once great knight now living in the woods and eating the moss and bark off trees.

Lady Katrina, the crusader’s daughter, heard of her father and searched for him in the deep woods. She found him and was startled by his physical appearance–barefoot, clothes tattered and filthy, and much weight loss. “Father, I’m taking you into the castle, where other Templars have gathered to learn the Sacred Scrolls from Grand Master Richard of Sherbert.” “Daughter, I trust you and will enter the castle of Portlandia.”

As Michel began to share with the other knights, the grace of the Healer collided with the lies of the enemy. “They will fight against you, but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” Hardened hearts became tender when hearing God’s unconditional love was constant, regardless of what they had done, or didn’t do.

Two months later, Lady Righteousness, a teacher of the Sacred Scrolls, suggested for Michel to visit the Sacred Room to complete his training. He knocked on the door and was met by a tall man with a face of peace and tranquility who said, “you have an Advocate who desires everything which is good for you.”

In the middle of the room was a small fire burning on a seven-legged stand. On the back wall was a high table called the Altar of Past Transgressions, with a large, bright golden bowl alongside an ornate candleholder with seven burning candles. Behind the Altar, a curtain woven of blue, purple, and scarlet yarn, finely twisted together with cherubim worked into the fabric, covered the wall.

As the crusader stood close to the Altar, he suddenly knew God allowed all he had gone through in order to bring him to this place. Hope began to flicker, as strongholds began to melt. The Advocate declared, “I am merciful; I will not be angry forever, only acknowledge your guilt.” Michel boldly began recording all the shameful acts of his past, and when done with his searching and fearless moral inventory, placed his written confession in the golden bowl.

As he was about to leave, the Advocate once again whispered, “My Beloved, you have refused to forgive yourself. Record your forgiveness of self and release the burden of debt you carry for the deaths of your fellow knights.” The crusader cried, “I cannot, as I’m the one who caused them to die.” The Advocate responded, “I know you can’t, but I can, if you entrust your pain and shame to me.”

Michel, driven by the grace of the Great I Am, marched back to the Altar and wrote, “Oh God, Most High, as Your mercy has forgiven me, I pray for Your grace to forgive myself.” He placed this single sheet into the bowl with the others and left the Sacred Room.

When the door closed, two angelic beings, faces radiant with glory and dressed in white, flowing robes entered the room from behind the curtain. They gathered the written papers from the golden bowl and threw them into the fire. The burnt offering had a sweet aroma and a soft wind blew the past transgressions as far as the East is from the West, into the Sea of Forgetfulness.

This sweet aroma, the fragrance of life, went into Michel’s nostrils, as he asked God for strength and courage to doubt his doubts. “I will praise You as long as I live, and in Your name I will lift up my hands.”

Tomorrow, the crusader would journey to the Village of Serenity, led by Sir Jeoffrey. He was a distinguished Knight Templar, who had been called by God to provide a place of intense training to learn to apply the Sacred Scrolls in practical ways for everyday living. Michel desired to know more about “the Truth, the Truth that will keep him free.”

The End
Mike Shea

Scripture Quotes: Proverbs 27:17, Jeremiah 3:12, Psalm 63:4, John 8:32