“I sought the Lord, and He answered me.
He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant
Their faces are never covered with shame.” Psalm 34:4-5

Not too long ago there was a time in my life when it was very raw, dark and dull in my walk with Jesus. It wasn’t a place that I was aiming for, obviously. It was a place where I found myself. I have been a believer for several years already, and I might even say I was a “strong” Christian. And maybe just right there was the invisible trap that I fell for. The lie that I believed in. I found myself singled out, robbed, beaten and felt so alone. Wounds got deep and quickly infected. Depression and Confussion became my constant (uninvited) companion. They were re-hushing my failures throughout the day, and shouting them at me while I tried to sleep. I knew God was there also, somewhere. Over it all, sovereign-but somehow out of my reach.
My family and I were overseas serving the Lord in west Africa where we thought we were in center of God’s will, and we were. For a time. When our attitudes started shifting and changing, our comforts increased and challenges lessened, I guess we drifted off from the “absolute center” of God’s will. The fall was gradual, slow and unnoticeable. We got off our knees and stopped desperately needing His provision. We were getting “our grip” on things. Our family and marriage arguments were “little” and we easily “moved on” (but not truly). At that time we only had our two sons,4 &3 year old, they got to grow up in Africa. A few years passed, we got blessed unexpectedly with a daughter. What joy. Life’s rhythm changed, and a beat picked up a notch or two. There were even more changes up ahead. The following year we relocated back to the US. We were also expecting yet another child. Unfortunately we didn’t get to hold it in our arms, as it came too early to survive. Over the following months my husband and I grew so far apart, that I questioned purpose of our 15 years in marriage. Yet even then, we conceived another child, and were blessed to hold him in our arms months later. Teens, ventured into the world and got themselves exposed to the dirt and filth of it. While we juggled demanding toddler and sleeplessness with an infant. Husband’s joblessness lasted almost a year, which drained our savings. I found myself so worn out and so depressed. Humiliated by my circumstances-SHAME-referring here to the second part in verse 5.
Deep inside I knew the Lord is Mighty to save. Shaken up to the core and awaken to the realization of our depleting situation, I became desperate for a change. I cried out to the Lord with all I had left. With my whole soul, whole heart and mind. It was a mustard seed size faith at that time. Daily, I begun seeking Him in the pages of Bible, searching for Him in my daily mundane routines, calling for His help… I SOUGHT THE LORD, and HE ANSWERED ME. Once again i started hearing and recognizing His voice. What a delight that was! The fresh wind began to blow over my soul and making it alive again, and through our circumstances. Slowly changes were visible. My attitude changed, my husband and children begun to notice the changes. The Lord led me to some known authors and I got to learn from their journeys. I begun to dream again. “HE delivered me from of all my fears”. He tended to my wounds, one by one. Ever so tenderly affirmed His love towards me. He cleared my vision, restored in me the Joy of salvation. The more I searched for the Lord, the more He allowed me to find Him. The deeper I dug in his word, He alone provided the understanding. I begun to pray audaciously for my family. Firmly grounded in his promises I declared God’s anointing on us. I begun to see that He was giving us back what “locust stole from us”.
“Those who look to Him are radiant, their faces are never covered with shame” v.5 says. I looked up the meaning of RADIANT in the dictionary, it means to be joyful, glowing and Ablaze! By Gods mercy and in His grace I now am enjoying this blessing and His favor upon me and my family. I think if you’d get to see me face to face, you could testify to that now. Glory to God!
My prayer is for every believer who “lost their way”, wondered off- to get back and search for the Lord. Search (seek, work towards, hunt for) and find so much so, that the fire of the Holy Spirit, that has been put in us the first time we believed would be set ABLAZE! The fire that compels us to do all the “crazy” stepping out if faith stuff (like writing for this contest), so that we may experience life to abundance as Jesus promised. As the enemy is real, and he’s seeking whom to devour, that he steals, kills and destroys my be true, but truer still is, that our God is MIGHTY. He’s Mighty to Save, Faithfull and True. Let us lose ourselves in His presence and the person of Jesus Christ and be so deeply rooted in Him that we’d be immovable. For God is our strength and the Rock of our Salvation.
In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His Holy name. Psalm 33.21