“This is a two-way street, and healing is going to take three of you. It’s going to take God, it’s going to take your husband, and it’s going to take you.”
Vicki Tiede was married for three years to a man who lived in unrepentant sexual sin. She saw red flags early on, but nothing could be done to shake her then-husband from his addiction to pornography. Vicki eventually divorced and remarried. She shares her experience, along with tools for women, in her book .
One of the keys to healing is to recognize and take responsibility for your own heart. Rather than holding your husband responsible for your well-being, take care of yourself first. Choose forgiveness. Choose proper boundaries. Choose to give your fear to God.
Yes, your husband – or boyfriend – has broken your trust. But you have your own emotions and fears to sort through in the process of restoration. Vicki points out the danger that comes with ignoring your own heart.
“Even when a husband is walking in purity and he’s doing all of the right things, we can still carry this big ‘pornography stick’ that we’re going to beat him with if we don’t do the hard work of dealing with our damaged emotions.”
We need to process our losses and find our hope and healing in Christ.
“We have to surrender some of the ugly things that we’re carrying around, so that we can get on to the important business of regaining trust and get to the very important business of forgiveness. And none if that can happen when we’re carrying a whole lot of garbage along. We can’t biblically forgive if we are still angry, fearful, and trying to control.”
A broken marriage is still a marriage, which means all steps toward resolution need to keep your oneness in mind. Satan will still try to bring division by turning over bitterness, bringing up old offenses, and leading you to challenge each other’s motives.
Susie leaves this last thought.
“Somehow, someway in marriage we’ve got to get past that personal offense thing because we’re in this together. Like Greg Smalley always says, ‘If you lose, or I lose, the team loses. We’re in this together.’”
Find more resources on healing from sexual sin. Vicki also encourages any woman to join the January 5 online support group through her website.
Key Scriptures: Proverbs 4:23
Featured Songs: Give Me Jesus by Danny Gokey; That Great Day (Second Coming) by Michael W. Smith and Darlene Zschech; You’re Here by Francesca Battestelli
