When two people are involved in conflict, they can become masters at deflection, blaming, and exaggerating. Listen as Dr. Glenn Pickering returns to Live the Promise to guide us through the steps to managing conflict in a healthy, God-honoring way.
Glenn starts with this advice: Look for the “we” solution instead of blaming the other person for the problem.
“When people come into my office with a relationship that’s making them crazy, I tell them ‘I understand. You’re in this relationship because you are half-crazy. You are exactly half the problem.’ Scripturally it’s really clear we’re not supposed to be focused on what the other person is doing wrong. It’s shocking to me how many people, even really serious Christians, come into my office and the only thing they can see is what the other person is doing wrong.”
Dr. Pickering says that this can be a liberating truth if we embrace it. “If we’re partly to blame, that means there’s something we can do to fix it!”
Listen as Glenn counsels
• A man whose wife is seeking divorce
• A mother whose adult daughter is pursuing marriage with a non-Christian
Glenn says when it comes to managing conflict or challenging relationships, we have to start with our own heart and move past our defense mechanisms.
“I have to notice all of the excuses I’ve been telling myself. I have to embrace that transformational change that starts happening. There’s always a challenge to move past what’s comfortable and accept what God is calling us to.”
Glenn also says that healing conflict is something that is done over time, brick by brick. The wall can come down the same way it was built – one step at a time. When we do this, things can change.
“The best way to heal the past is to start doing things differently in the present.”
Key Scriptures: James 1:19-20
Featured Songs: Dear Younger Me by MercyMe; Made New by Lincoln Brewster; Your Grace Finds Me by Matt Redman