Whispers fill the void between my constant thoughts. Thoughts of what brought me here or thoughts of where to go. I don’t know, all I know is that I have forgotten my line and this time it will not come back to the foremost dimensions of my mind. Why does this always happen? I get to a place where I’m comfortable then every inch beyond my reach goes dark and I see nothing other than a mirror in my hand, a wilting reflection of a wilting man who has lost his will to stand. I slam the mirror shut because the whispers hunt the person I’ve become, and I know that once they find me I will fail to put my past behind and just move on to the next line in what appears to be a monologue. I fall to my knees and feel what appears to be my own log. My hands touch splintered wood and my eyes look up and find that I’ve been blinded by a light that I have never seen before. A light that penetrates my very soul and makes my heart not feel alone, but I look around once more and still nothing is beside me. My fears rise and I hug my knees with eyes filled with tears that drop to the floor and I try to let go but find nothing else to grip and my fears at once dig deeper.
I wish these whispers would stop. I wish these whispers would stop. I wish these whispers would – why did the whispers stop? I know I did not like them, but they were my only company besides this light that will not leave me. I try to shake the bright, but the darkness makes me cry and I’m trapped behind a lie of who I am inside, so I scream. LIGHT, IF YOU ARE THERE YOU BETTER COME AND GUIDE ME BEFORE I DIE AND ALL MY WRONGS DEFILE ME! I feel the script in my hand begin to change, words and letters rearrange as I see the words that left my mouth fill the page. In shock, my falling tears stop, and I look around as the silence from the whispers turn to applause. An audience is standing on their feet, but I don’t understand how until now I haven’t seen a single person besides me in what appears to be a theatre of a thousand balconies and thousands more people simply being. I can’t believe that this is where I’ve been all this time and that my eyes have deceived me into a lie that I am alone. I start to hate the days that I’ve lived blind.
I keep thinking this light will stop while more faces are being revealed and I can’t conceive how it reaches yet still it’s fixed on me and all my feelings turn to praise in ways I’ve never known. I reach out and find I’ve walked to the edge of the stage and see the faces raised. For the first time I know that I don’t hold the only role in this production, that in this cold I’m not alone and that every person in this room is part of it. All my life I’ve been held to the ground, but this light has lifted me above it. With the script in my hand I look for my line when the blank pages fall to the floor and realign and the only words in my mind are, “follow me my servant.” I look to the light and realize that the words in my heart were never mine, so I step aside to let the smiling faces have their moments to shine. Turning around, the stage for which I’m renowned lies empty. I may not know what lies ahead but I’ve left what’s died behind me. I used to love the stage that was set but that was shut down by the love that I’ve met, I will live here and now without the crown I’ve renounced, it’s no longer my kingdom to hide in. What is the point in the joy I’ve neglected if the fears of my heart are protected? I once stood alone but from here on out my childlike heart’s resurrected. What once caused me fear has now disappeared in the sphere of a light from the heavens. The stage I once lived is now a shadow of me in a life that’s been rendered deathless. So, from this moment forth I look to a light that I illuminate every step with, and even in the night I’m never alone and never again am I breathless.