As Mother’s Day approaches many will celebrate with the children in their lives, the sweet homemade pictures to hang on the fridge, the neighbor’s flowerbeds that may become much lighter from that sneaky little toddler bringing in a fresh bouquet to which only a mother can understand the innocence behind such an act.
Now imagine another mothers smile coming from dishes disappearing by a teen who remembers the selfless sacrifices made each day on their behalf . For some mothers it may be just a glimpse of a grin of a child from the successes of their newly found talents or achievements in sports or in academics that awaits to be revealed on such a special day like this.
In my home, I will celebrate life. I will celebrate my son is still alive and breathing. See, I am the mother of a heroine addict and my celebration is so much different. I celebrate a video visit in a jail cell. I celebrate the words “I love you” over a video call and I celebrate the access to my son and its limitations that will soon dissipate as he is transported to prison.
I am a mother who sees past this addiction and I see purpose. I am mother who reads bible verses to my son and prays with him in a jail lobby because I know these all too well as I feel Gods presence in the darkness of days to come. I will not shame my son I will love him endlessly through this through my faith and his faith to come.
As a mother of a child who suffers addiction, I am certain that to survive one might ask, “How do you do it?” In response, I would then say from day one to day seven each week I have to reflect on these verses. When fear sets in as to what may become of my son, his future in the prison system. His ability to bounce back from the snares to which have taken him from my arms into a cold jail cell again one might ask, “How do you do it?” Its those same arms that wrap around me when I have nothing left in me, but to see the shameless love God has for us regardless of what it appears to be.
No mother at least within my eyesight wakes up and celebrates the devastation that follows addiction. I certainly did not sign up to be that mom. The cost of addiction does not compare to the cost of his soul and for that I will not stand by and give Satan a reason to steal my son because God passed me by. I have a calling and that is to be the voice of reason to my son when all other voices are telling him he is a failure, a junkie, worthless, useless. The greatest words I gave my son this week, “They can take your freedom, but they can’t take your soul from you and God isn’t done with you. “
No matter what situation a mother faces the fact these words exist will be the very reason she has hope. I have no other motives to protect my son from a broken system then to speak life into him and to share such verses of the bible as these. You see, I cannot save him I can only offer him a way to salvation and that is without shame, without reservation and without hesitation. I know seven days a week from day one to day seven I will listen to God and what he wants me as his mother to tell him and watch his beautiful transformation from death to life.
As Mother’s Day approaches it takes me back to the realization that I am not defined by the desperation of the addiction in my son. My defining moment is how I will carry my son through this journey and prepare him for a place where shame disappears, and radiance begins. Seven days a week, 365 days a year will I resonate.
Motherhood called me, and I responded and his name is Brandon.
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