Are you willing to hear the truth from your relational community?
Jim Burns, President of HomeWord and Director of the Homework Center for Youth and Family, says that couples should ask themselves this question before even considering marriage.
Jim points out that romantic love actually affects our brains, almost as if we are taking drugs. When we’re in love with our partner to be, we don’t always see clearly why they may not be the person who is meant for us. We are encouraged to pay attention to our relational communities.
Relational communities are often compiled of the people that are closest to us, apart from our spouse-to-be. They are the ones who can spot out red flags in relationships that we can’t always see for ourselves.
Who are the people in our relational communities?
Parents
Siblings
Grandparents
Close friends
Extended family
Mentors or counselors
Dr. Burns explains the importance of paying attention to what these people have to say.
“I think your relational community has great insight. That doesn’t mean that it has to be some big negative deal, but if everybody in your relational community is saying, ‘I’m a little worried about this,’ or, ‘No offense, but…’ I think they need to listen to that.”
What happens when we don’t listen to our relational community?
“Too many times couples have moved through it saying, ‘Well, I know my parents don’t want me to marry this guy or gal, I know that my friends think he’s kind of a dork. I know he used to do drugs but you know he’s been clean for 9 days.’ What happens is typically it plays out that the community knows better.”
Are there some red flags that you don’t see?
Jim reminds us of the importance of seeking out the honest truth from our relational communities.
“It might be “puppy love,” but “puppy love” is real to puppies. Sometimes they mistake these incredible feelings or incredible infatuation without facts, and your relational community would be the ones who would give you some of the facts. So I think you seek it out.”
More helpful advice can be found in Jim’s book Getting Ready for Marriage.
