Do you ever find yourself hearing people but not actually listening? It can be difficult to focus on what people are saying, but when we adapt an engaging style of listening our lives can be improved relationally and spiritually. Adam McHugh explores how we can become better listeners in his book, .
Sometimes anxiety can control our conversations and cause us to interrupt someone while they’re speaking. Or we can become so worried with what we’re going to say next that we don’t listen to what’s being said in the moment.
Anxiety can be a common cause of poor listening, and it’s a difficult skill to learn. Adam notes that even though he’s written a book on listening it is still a challenge to not let nerves interrupt listening. However, it is possible to overcome anxiety and stop ourselves from over-thinking and not listening.
“I encourage people to do is to actually pay attention to what’s happening inside, and to pay attention to what is happening to you emotionally. I think there’s a way that you can even just be … self-aware enough.”
By realizing that you’re feeling anxious and being able to identify the symptoms (such as a knot in your stomach, sweaty palms, etc.) you can then reassure yourself that what you’re feeling is anxiety and re-focus your attention to whomever you’re listening to.
“…that realization helps us to kind of re-frame what role we’re going to play in that conversation, and it’s just a habit that we have to break, you know…”
And although it’s a difficult habit to break, it is also possible and important to do so.
“I think listening is really a discipline that needs to be cultivated. I’m not sure that any of us are naturally good listeners, and so that’s why I talk about it as a spiritual discipline. It’s something that needs to be cultivated and developed and practiced over and over and over again until it becomes more natural for us.”
Once we’ve learned how to identify anxiety and overcome it to be a better listener, we can engage in conversations on a deeper level and get more out of our relationships.
