We’ve all experienced relationship conflict, probably more than we’d like to admit. According to Dr. Linda Mintle, conflict is a normal and natural aspect of relationships. If we can’t avoid conflict completely, what can we do when relationship issues do arise?

“A lot of times we just want to avoid it, we say we are just going to let it go.”

Unfortunately, this tactic doesn’t always have the desired effect. In addition to trying to let conflict go away on its own, we often try to wait for the other person to come to us to attempt to reconcile the relationship.

“We take this position of hey, I’ve been offended, I’ve been hurt, you’ve treated me poorly, you need to come to me.”

Why do we avoid conflict?

According to Dr. Linda, we avoid conflict because initially it does reduce the stress than accompanies conflict.

“We need to remember that even though we initially reduce our stress level by avoiding, the stress comes back with a vengeance after a day or two.”

Often times, the symptoms of unresolved relationship conflict only increase over time.

“Then you’re holding on to things that are kind of simmering below the surface which tends to make us more irritable and inflicts physical damage to the body.”

If that wasn’t enough, it’s completely biblical to wait for someone to come crawling to you to reconcile past wrongs.

“Scripture says to us in Matthew 18, if you’ve been hurt by somebody or offended, or you’ve got a problem with somebody, Scripture doesn’t say wait for them to come to you, Scriptures says, go to the person.”

We can’t sit back and tell ourselves that it’s the other person’s problem, because it is actually affecting us too.

“Only children fight about who goes first, there on the playground they are fighting about who is going to go first; let’s be grown-ups here.”

All Christians should seek to be peacemakers and not stir up strife or let conflict build by avoidance.

Highlight: How can I manage conflict?

Handling conflict