I hope you enjoy this special conversation with national radio talk show host, Janet Parshall. In this interview, Janet talks candidly about raising children and is very transparent about the death of her son.
While parenting has its joys and sorrows, we all struggle to deepen our connections with or parents and yet stay true to self.
Years ago I had a favorite coffee cup. On the cup was a picture of a totally stressed looking woman shouting, “EEEEEEEEEK, I am my mother!” Obviously the thought terrified her. I related to that mug because of the truth in it.
We all are desperate to be the individual God made us to be. Most often, we find our true selves in the context of relationships. The more we look at our reactions, our beliefs, and emotions when we deal with other people, the more we learn about ourselves.
It is hard to find a more intimate connection than with the one who raised or birthed you. Daughters learn to be women from their moms. Fathers teach their sons how to be men. Of course, both sexes contribute the overall development of children.
Adult children are constantly trying to be their own person while needing the approval and validation from parents. They want unconditional love, but don’t always get that. We disagree, fight back, become passive, give up, give in, etc., all to the tune of separating from parents while needing to stay connect. It’s an intimate dance that takes skill to manage.
So how does a grown child learn to take an “I” position and still stay connected to mom or dad? Simply put, it means being true to self while relating to others. You can have your own opinions, think your own thoughts, and behave in ways you know to be right, yet still love and relate to other people like your mom and dad. You decide what’s right and true for you without becoming defensive, angry, and highly emotional.
It’s important to work on intimacy because it is every parent’s and child’s desire to be known and appreciated by the other. It is also a sign of your maturity when you can think, feel, and behave according to your own beliefs without just reacting to emotional triggers from your parents.