Sometimes what looks like a huge mess coming at our life, is really a part of God’s great plan. It just doesn’t look like it from the front side. Take Cancer for instance; my plan back in February was to move to Cedar Falls/ Waterloo and work hard as the new co-host for Life 101.9. However, a month and a half into my work I found a marble size lump in my thigh that grew to the size of a peach in a month. I started a new job and now I have been told I have cancer and I will be spending much of my time in the coming months at Mayo, one of the top cancer hospitals in the world, fighting for my life.
How could this happen? I have lost so many family members to this horrible disease. I thought I was going to share my heart and encourage others at this wonderful radio station. Wasn’t that the plan God? The last few years have been a bit rough and now we are going to add cancer to the agenda? The verse that began rattling in my head and one I have heard my whole life is Jeremiah 29:11-that says I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. How is Cancer going to “prosper me and not harm me?”
After working through the shock of being told “you have cancer,” the reality sets in that “this IS the plan,” like it or not. My soul scrambles to understand and find meaning in this route of the journey. Too many times in my life God zigged when I thought we were going to zag. At first it doesn’t seem to fit. It feels awkward, unnecessary and frustrating. With a little time, during the unfolding I can begin to see He is doing something beautiful. Looking back in the rearview mirror of my life I see He brought tenderness when I lost my Dad to cancer, guidance as I raised my two daughters and now raise my son as a single parent, provision when I didn’t know how some of my bills would get paid. He has done so much in my life to prove to me He is on my side and loves me. I can trust Him. Yes, even with cancer.
As my cancer care began I could see that God was going to use the time spent waiting before appointments to use me and encourage me. The thing about having Cancer and sitting in a Mayo waiting room is that the gate is wide open to talk about what happens to us when we die. This kind of openness is rare. For most of us it only happens when we have just been to a funeral. Let’s face it; thinking about the day we will die isn’t the most uplifting topic. Most of the people I met in those waiting rooms were very aware of how close death could be. I think because of this “heightened awareness” of limited time, we all dispensed with the normal superficial pleasantries and dug into our hopes and beliefs beyond this life.
People either shared their great hope in their life after this life here on earth or they had no hope. Suddenly I hear God whisper into my heart- “Here is where I need you to share your heart and encourage others.” Even though I was dealing with my own illness, God was allowing me to love on others in a way I could never have “planned” on my own. These were precious souls I wouldn’t have been able to connect with had I not been diagnosed with cancer and placed in the Mayo circle.
The fascinating thing that happened when I started encouraging others is my spirit was lifted. I was encouraged by encouraging! The overflow of that encouragement was a heart of thankfulness. I couldn’t believe it; I was beginning to thank God for this cancer “plan.” What? In this odd moment I flashed back to my childhood and remembered my grandmother washing dishes over the kitchen sink belting out one of her favorite hymns, Count your blessings, name them one by one. In case you are not familiar with this great hymn, here are the verses and chorus.
- When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.
- Refrain:
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
*Count your many blessings, see what God hath done.
[*And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.]
- Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by. - When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings—*money cannot buy [*wealth can never buy]
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high. - So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.
Johnson Oatman, Jr., pub.1897
With that beautiful hymn running through my head I began listing off my thankfulness to God. Thank you God for the woman from Jordan I sat next to on the shuttle to my next appointment. Thank you God that during an elevator ride you gave me courage to look into the eyes of a Muslim woman and smile at her lonely eyes. Thank you God for notes of encouragement, flowers and care-packages that came at those moments when I really needed them. Thank you God for the medical staff of Mayo who committed to their studies, they work so hard each day to help those of us fighting for our life with cancer. Thank you God for cherished time spent with my mother laughing, crying, eating chocolate, talking and praying- time we would have never got with just a normal Holiday visit. And thank you God, you DID use me to share my heart and encourage others at the radio station through Facebook and the help of my co-workers who shared my struggles and progress with the family of listeners. With each person you reminded me how very rich your plan is and I can trust You with every part of my life.
So Cancer wasn’t my plan. Much of it wasn’t pleasant from the physical aspect. I certainly pray I remain cancer free and do not have to relive countless needles, chemo, radiation or surgery. If I could put my order in to you Lord it might sound like this-“God, how about we go encourage those on the beaches of Hawaii?” I am willing to make that kind of sacrifice. Chances are Hawaii may not be a part of the immediate plan, at least not the way “I plan”, but I am reminded once again that in the messiness of this life God is preparing us for a life eternal with Him and to that end His “plans prosper us and do not harm us.”
