I remember the moment well when I became a true believer/follower of Jesus Christ. It was the eve of July 3, 1994 ~ up until that point I really wasn’t so sure God existed for I was dying inside or surely going crazy! I wondered why if I was indeed a Christian (Catholic) and God existed, why was I feeling as if life was over for me? I now had a beautiful family; husband and 3 small girls, so much to live for ~ but I was still being tormented by my past? My daily thoughts consisted of deaths that I felt I contributed to; a boyfriend five years earlier and now my own mother! Struggles with self worth, anorexia, theft, lies, unhealthy relationships, selfishness, past suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and a growing fear of death. In my mind I felt as if I was the only one who had such problems and no matter what I was trying ~nothing was working to help me feel better about myself and my past!

My cry that night, I felt, was truly my last resort, which now I know, should have been my first! …I moaned in a small dark closet…. “God ~ if you are there I need you now”! Instantly in the dark closet – I saw a flood of light and immediately ran the past through my head, asking forgiveness for all, one by one, then sensed/heard “lie down and sleep you are fine” ~ knew was for me, for I had not rested for many nights! But that night I slept for 12 hours straight, and woke, I felt, to a brand new world. That day I heard the song “I can see clearly now the rain has gone” ~ my thinking and life totally changed after that night!

I learned back then through Christian radio (KTIS) and now my new Church home (Woodcrest) ~ I can go directly to Jesus for all the help I need. When young I did learn that Jesus died on the cross for our sins but not that we all need and he wants a daily, personal relationship with me and everyone. He was there for me that night through the Holy Spirit and is to this day but I need to continue to go him to ask for his help and believe! This is something I still struggle with but am learning it is indeed a journey and he speaks to me and helps me through prayer and his word. I now know ~ Jesus took time away from others to get direction from our Father, and wants me/us to do the same! It is not easy but I have to say NO to other things! Thankfully, I am no longer plagued with past sins & regrets; my thinking now includes Faith, Hope & Love ~ Faith in God, Hope in Heaven and Love for others.

-Mary B. from South Saint Paul, MN