One in three pregnancies will end in spontaneous miscarriage, according to the medical experts at Up to Date.
Yet, we still don’t know how to have a caring conversation to offer comfort and care to grieving parents.
One woman working to end that silence is Scissortail Silk blogger Becky Thompson. Her post last month How Abortion has Changed the Discussion of Miscarriage has now been shared by almost 100,000 readers. In that post, Becky rightly says that denying the dignity of the unborn in the case of abortion has led to silence over the loss of life in cases of miscarriage too. Becky’s faith is striking, whether she is writing to share her own tender and personal story offering hope after miscarriage, or allowing her heart to remain open to those grieving a child lost to elective abortion. She is also a passionate and eloquent advocate for the beautiful option of adoption.
Becky has taken her stand to bring about reconciliation between the prolife church and those who chose abortion. She’s also one of the few writers I know of working to bridge the enormous common ground created by child loss after miscarriage and abortion. As a woman who participated in abortion, it has been deeply humbling to receive compassion from someone who struggled so hard to protect and defend her little one like Becky did.
Perinatal child loss has always been a disenfranchised grief. I participated in a series of articles on abortion and miscarriage for Crosswalk, but resources are few for the collective grief parents share. Abortion’s political rancor hasn’t helped, and, as I wrote about in Cradle My Heart, there is insufficient training at seminary for pastoral leadership on the issue. In his compact and comforting little book Safe in the Arms of God, Pastor John MacArthur identified the problem of pastoral ignorance and how his own lack of preparation drove his personal study so as to never ever let down a grieving parent with confusion and ignorance. I believe that as soon as pastors become unequivocally convinced of the salvation of the children, the pulpits will ring with the message those in grief so greatly need.
Most importantly, as Becky has noted, we will never finally resolve our cultural mass confusion about how to deal with the losses associated with the tragedy of miscarriage and abortion until we embrace the full humanity of the unborn. The truth that our children were fully endowed with the dignity each life deserves intrinsically, and the reality of God’s mercy, is the cornerstone of healing our loss. They are worthy of heaven, and worthy of our grief as we look forward in hope.
The healing journey after both miscarriage and abortion is as individual as the women and men who are walking it out day by day. But there are many common signposts. One of the marks of spiritual and emotional health is being able to share your story. That can’t happen if we stay isolated and mired in shame or broken by our sorrow.
Let’s talk about this.
Listen in to tonight’s podcast to hear Kim and Becky discuss Becky’s touching story, and how to bridge the gap and bring healing and hope to those who have suffered from miscarriages and abortions.
Becky Thompson lives in NW Oklahoma with her husband, Jared, their two small children and a baby due in September. She is the creator and writer of Scissortail SILK, a blog with an international audience of millions. She writes to encourage the hearts of women and families with the Truth of God’s redemptive love and grace. Becky is currently in negotiations for her first book of hope and encouragement.