Do you have a dream or passion that is causing conflict in your marriage?

Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley know what it’s like to be at odds when it comes to conflicting dreams. In their case, Erin was passionate about adopting a child at some point in life, but having already raised three children, Greg didn’t feel like he wanted to go back to square one when it came to parenting.

Greg shares what he learned during this sometimes difficult process.

“We serve a God of unity and we should never forget that. If we are not unified, then something isn’t right. That should absolutely be our red flag to step back.”

Greg says while some decisions are critically important, it’s even more important the arrive at that decision the right way.

“The process of how you make a decision together as a couple is much more important than the decision itself. How Erin and I chose to work this thing through did far more for our marriage then simply bringing an adopted child into our family.”

Greg and Erin did eventually decide to adopt their daughter Annie from China, but they got a lot more than an just another addition to their family.

“As amazing as that is, making this decision and how we did it, rocked our world. It shored up some areas that we needed to grow in. For me, I learned how to be a different man of prayer through this. It solidified the trust and security that we have in each other. When we say we’re a team, that’s not lip service, this was an opportunity to prove it. The opportunity to talk this through and to allow both of us to be included in the marriage grew us so much and taught us more about trusting Him and each other.”

As couples, whenever we are faced with a tough decision, Greg says it’s important to remember that God is a God of unity. He wants to help walk you through the decision making process and ultimately change your marriage for the better.


Dr. Greg Smalley serves as executive director of Marriage and Family Formation at Focus on the Family.  In this role, he develops and oversees initiatives that prepare individuals for marriage, strengthen and nurture existing marriages and help couples in marital crises. He also serves as a media spokesperson on these matters.

Key Scripture: John 15:5; Philippians 2:2

Featured Songs: Revival – Third Day; Shake – Mercy Me; Comeback – Danny Gokey

When your spouse doesn't support your dreams

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