Here I was sitting at the computer desk, ready to read her letter, but I couldn’t take my eyes off from what I was seeing outside. I was looking thru the window in front of my desk at a magnificent site. My eyes were glued to it. It was just the sunrise. I had seen it a million times, but never like this. I could feel this sunrise in my body. In my heart and in my soul, it was almost speaking to me. With the calm and soothing feeling I was receiving from it, I was informed by my nervous quiver that appeared out of nowhere reminding me to read the letter.
How had it been twenty-five years since I have seen her beautiful face? How could I have ever let her go? And why now, twenty-five years later, is she contacting me? How did she ever find me? I am so scared that I can hardly breathe, but this sunrise, something is different and I feel that somehow it has a purpose for me to see it and to feel it.
Each color is providing its own sensation. Red is intense and makes me feel warmth and heat to my core. Yellow seems loving but yearning for something. I close my eyes to try to take it all in and forget about the letter because I can’t seem to bare to read it. As I shutter my eyes, the brightness of the sun still shimmers through my eyelids begging me to take another glimpse.
I give in and take another peek. It is gorgeous, it is beyond words. There in this sunrise is a shape of a cross dancing in and through the clouds. I can sense God’s presence through this mystical scene. He is trying to tell me something. I try so hard to think what it could be, but nothing comes to mind, just the thought of the email I have opened. It seems to be blinking, “Read me. Read me.”
I give in after I can no longer see the cross in the light of the sun. I figure that was probably all in my head anyway. My eyes fall down to the mysterious email on my computer that showed up today without warning. I swallow hard and quickly blink to clear my eyes before beginning. I say a little prayer under my breath to forgive me again for ever letting this soul go, for letting her leave my life.
It begins, “Dear Mom.”
How does one call another human being Mom after she gave her away to a stranger? After this so called “Mom” cut all ties, all forms of communication…FOREVER?
The letter goes on about how she wants to meet, how she has always loved and prayed for me ever since she found out about me. The tears forming and dropping from my eyes are inevitable and are forming so rapidly that I cannot continue to read what is in front of me. I stand to get a tissue when I hear a voice. The voice is not mine. At least I don’t think it is. It says, “The Lord has shown you what is Good. And what does the Lord require of you?”
I don’t recognize the verse. I quickly write the words down on plain piece of paper out on my desk. I decide to look it up after I finish reading this document that has so patiently waited for me to get my act together. I continue reading and see it is signed, “Desperately waiting. Love, Tobie”
So, they named her Tobie? I have never heard of such a name for a girl before. I hurriedly GOOGLE it and discover it’s meaning. God is Good. I let out a huge sigh and startle myself. It felt like I had been holding my breath the entire time I read the email.
It wasn’t enough that I had given this daughter away, but I had given her to a Jewish family. At the time, I was very young and naïve, someone told me that they were the next best religion next to Christianity. Only later after I became Saved, did I realize the enormous error I had made. I prayed over and over, morning and night, day after day, for this little girl’s soul to be saved.
I now know the true meaning of being saved and I had given her to a family that would definitely love her as they could, but would not be able to teach this child the true way to be saved in the next life. I couldn’t forgive myself. I have cried both for her soul and for my errors. What had I done? Was it not enough that I couldn’t keep her as my own, but then I gave her to a family who couldn’t teach her the true way to get to heaven?
Somehow that voice interrupted my thinking once again and repeating the bible verse again. I still had GOOGLE open and so I typed in the verse. The entire Bible verse arose to me within one click. Micah 6:8
I could still feel God’s presence as I read those words. My whole body is trembling with such emotion. This day could not be any more glorious. I am going to meet my long, lost daughter, Tobie. She is waiting for me to respond.
Likewise, God is also waiting for me to respond. He has shown me the way, thru the sunrise with the cross, with the verse, and now with this email. I will meet my long, lost daughter and my daughter will meet Jesus… through me. I am the one who gets to share the love of Jesus with her. I crawl out of my chair to the hardwood floor. I stay on my knees as tears of joy trickle down all round me. How do I ever thank God for this second chance? I will start by meeting my daughter.