What to say to your loved one who has had an abortion

Kim Ketola

Kim connects those who are seeking to heal from the pain of child loss through abortion with those who can help, while upholding the case for life.
Host of Cradle My Heart, Sundays at 8pm.

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As someone who hears an abortion disclosed, you are in a unique position to kindle hope. Your objective is to listen with love. This gift drains the pain and its emotional power over the suffering one. When you are fully satisfied that your dear one has had his or her say, you then have a unique opportunity to issue the call to rise above and walk in victory after abortion.

Victory in Christ means that abortion loses its power to define us, and frees us to share the truth and save others from making the same mistake. Victory also means we grieve with hope, knowing our children are eternally safe in the arms of God. Victory also means we fill every loss left by abortion with the presence of God’s love in our lives.

After the choice, we are immediately inducted into The A-Team, that secret sorority of sisters who know the truth, the whole truth about the A-word. Breaking that secrecy is a powerful act of freedom but it must be handled with care. Judgment lurks everywhere in our world, from abortion advocates who would silence our witness to having lost an actual child, to pro-life zealots who forget God’s grace and mercy toward those who have sinned or become victims to the sin of abortion. Many ministries now offer structured healing experiences and Bible studies.

Women walking in victory after abortion will say that someone brought up the topic, disclosed an abortion, somehow made it safe to say the truth of their own story. Your witness matters. Any firsthand experience you have with abortion needs to be healed first, that you may then help others. Likewise, any redemption you’ve experienced can be offered as a testimony to God’s character and helps take the focus off the sin and onto Jesus, friend of sinners.

What shape is the victory over abortion? No ring, no trophy, not many fans or thumbs up on Facebook. But we do get a parade.

“But thanks be to God who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of Him everywhere.” 2 Corinthians 2:14

The examples of captives as brave prisoners of war inspire us: Louis Zamperini survived a Japanese camp in WWII and remained Unbroken. Shoshana Nyree Johnson won medals for her valor in captivity in Iraq.

How will history regard the mothers when we look back on abortion’s holocaust? And what will God say of us? Tens of millions of American women are impacted by abortion, caught up in the culture war. Who were we? Many of us feel as if we were civilians wandering in a war zone who got caught behind enemy lines. Others feel like they were on the front line advancing feminist ideology which proved cold comfort in the face of the death of their own children. Christians who choose abortion often suffer with feeling they went AWOL, abandoning faith when it was needed most.

In every circumstance, for those who believe and repent, God in Christ has said, “Not guilty.”

God’s purpose for Christ’s conquered captives is “to spread the knowledge of him.” Victory for the A-Team lies in our witness—the story of Christ in us the hope of glory, as we overcome our accuser with the word of our testimony and the blood of the Lamb. (see Revelations 12)

The crown of glory goes to those who fully forgive. One of the many reasons God forgives us as we repent and trust in Jesus Christ, is to make more good forgivers in this world. Often women remain devastated after abortion due to the loss of control, whether through passivity, coercion, deception, or other means by which abortion exploits women at a weak moment. But one thing that remains completely in our power, and in our power alone: the power to forgive. God’s presence can fill every space in your heart where the many losses of abortion have occurred. Abortion may have shed our children’s innocent blood but it can never take their spirit, take their memory, or their names.

Victory is never an end in itself. Romans 8 says we are more than conquerors: we win and we take the plunder to build God’s kingdom. As you carry off the riches of redemption, restoration, and real hope, remember God doesn’t get the glory until you tell your story.

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