How can you affair-proof your marriage?

Dave Carder says that one of the best ways to do this is to actually understand what makes affairs appealing in the first place. Then, we can make sure that those aspects of a relationship are present in our marriages.

Childhood magic

Dave says that almost all affairs are full of seemingly romantic, exciting childhood wonder. However, marriage often lacks this aspect. He recommends that all couples work to reignite the childhood magic of their relationship. When a relationship first begins, the couple is in their own little world. But as life goes on, that little world expands to include children and other responsibilities. However, bringing your marriage back to square one can do wonders for it in the long run.

Adolescent sexuality

Dave also says it’s important for couples to regain some of the spark of adolescent sexuality that gets lost in the hustle and bustle of married life. This aspect of adolescent sexuality is often what adulterers find appealing in an affair relationship.

“You can go to a park or a hamburger joint or wherever and you can see teenagers making out, they don’t care who’s watching, they’re just caught up in themselves and their own feelings. What happens to married couples is they stop that, they haven’t gone and parked outside a beach and made out in a car in thirty years.”

The excitement is often gone completely and replaced by monotony.

“The only time their sexually involved with each other is lights out, in the dark, doors locked, between the sheets, kids asleep, no wonder it gets boring. My point is you need to have that adolescent spontaneity, otherwise, all that interaction between the two of you becomes very boring, routine, and dull and takes energy rather than giving you energy.”

Adult mobility

Another way you can affair proof your marriage is by going out of your way to interact with your spouse. This pursuit is commonplace in any dating or affair relationship, but often gets replaced in marriage by complacency.

“If you have an hour and a half lunch and it takes you a half hour to get there to see your girlfriend and a half hour to drive back, you’ll go, but you won’t do that with your spouse. You’ll say, I’ll see her tonight or I’ll see him tomorrow morning. The whole point is to take every opportunity at the oddest, strangest times of the day to make a connection.”


Dave Carder currently serves as Pastor responsible for Counseling Ministries at the First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton. His main task is the oversight, training and supervision of the extensive lay counseling program of the church.

Key Scripture: Matthew 4:4

Featured Songs: I Need You Now – Plumb; Strength of My Heart – Rend Collective; Trust in You – Lauren Daigle

Close calls

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