How to identify red flags in relationships

In the search for successful and fulfilling relationships, we sometimes overlook negative tendencies in our loved ones. Dr. Linda Mintle says there are many common red flags for relationships that we should learn to recognize before bigger problems surface.

“One of the basics is communication: if you’re having problems with someone who doesn’t express how they feel, or they have a really difficult time talking about problems, they don’t want to deal with conflict, they’re not sure what they think or feel, and they’re not able to express it, that’s kind of a basic red flag.”

“Either that person needs a little bit more help in their communication skills, they need to work on their expression, or they need not be afraid to say what they think, to take position in the relationship.”

While not necessarily deal-breakers for a relationship, Dr. Linda says these signs may indicate patterns of behavior that can cause frustration in the long term.

“If (these behaviors) build over time, they begin to build up a resentment in relationships. Then we have an escalation in the sort of negativity…that eventually leads to problems. So we want to identify these red flags, to know that there is something we can either work on, or say “Hey, maybe it’s not the relationship for me.”

During the early infatuation stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to see the object of your affection as they truly are. Dr. Linda advises confirming their essential characteristics, like maturity and honesty.

“Can they actually manage life? Do they have some basic skills of holding down a job, getting to work on time, dealing with their checkbook? These are not things that we’re typically thinking about when we’re attracted to somebody, but in the long haul, having some basic life skills really makes a difference in that relationship because then you’re not always taking care of that person and having to fix all these things– they’re partnering with you, which is what you want.”

“Trust is the foundation of every relationship and when you don’t have faith that somebody is going to be true to their word, or do the right thing on a regular basis, it quickly erodes relationships. So pay attention along the way and see if that person is trustworthy with a number of areas in their lives.”


Dr. Linda Mintle is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a licensed clinical social worker and national expert on relationships and the psychology of food, weight and body image. She is also the host of the Dr. Linda Mintle Show heard weekly on Faith Radio.

Looking out for relationship red flags
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