When we’re in the middle of a disagreement with our spouse, a coworker, or a close friend, the last thing we want to do is take responsibility. Listen as Michael Smalley returns to talk about handling conflict and personal responsibility.

Michael starts by debunking the myth of “the one.”

“Conflict is the problem. Everyone tries to tell you that you’ve married the wrong person… the right person doesn’t exist. There is no ‘right person.’ Oftentimes I’ll be meeting with a couple and their eyes always get big [when I say that]. We’re all sinful and fall short of the glory of God. Therefore I am not perfect. We make mistakes. The perfect match isn’t out there. Even if you are compatible, all relationships are going to have conflict. The ones who make it are the ones who have learned how to manage conflict and come to some sort of resolution.”

Michael and Susie explore

• How to use technology (emails or text messages) in a way to process the conflict while giving the other person some room to express themselves. Michael says use this carefully! “Make sure what you [write] down is the right thing.” Don’t “attack or condemn” them, but use technology to forgive and love the other person.

• Why joining a small group is a key step in healing and managing conflict.

• Engaging in conflict only when your heart is open. “In that moment when your buttons are really being pushed and you’re feeling rejected or controlled or disconnected, the worst thing you can do is stay in that conflict.” Michael calls us to step back and use the “time-out method.” Take a few minutes, let the other person know that you need some space, and reconnect when you’re in a better emotional state.

• The importance of validating the other person and the fact that they’re feeling hurt or rejected.

Key Scriptures: Isaiah 41:10

Featured Songs: You Alone Can Rescue by Matt Redman; Hands of Love by David Crowder; Calvary by Hillsong

Highlight : Take responsibility for your reaction

Love, conflict, and personal responsibility