What does a healthy, thriving marriage look like? Listen as Dr. Greg Smalley of Focus on the Family returns to talk about managing disagreements.
When we think of conflict, most people want to avoid it. Greg shares how he managed conflict with his wife. “For so many years, I was afraid of Erin and I getting into disagreements. We loved each other wholeheartedly, we loved the Lord, we went to church, but we really struggled with managing conflict. I thought we were one more argument away from her leaving.”
Here are some foundational truths to know before entering a conflict:
1. Recognize that you both are sinners.
2. Recognize that the topic is rarely the source of the argument. The argument comes when certain fears and anxieties get triggered while discussing the topic.
3. Stop, step back, and ask the Lord to show you what is being brought up in your heart. When we ask Him for wisdom, He gives it liberally to His children.
Greg and Susie explore the various buttons that might get tripped in a conflict.
• Feeling abandoned
• Feeling disrespected
• Feeling misrepresented
• Feeling like a failure
• Feeling ignored or walked on
Any one of these can lead to an argument, but Greg offers some practical advice.
“The temptation when we’re in conflict is to stay engaged in the relationship and force or power through it relationally first. When your buttons are pushed, your heart closes. Now you’re just reacting. The best thing is to take a break and step away so you can get your heart back open. Ask yourself, what is the evidence that my heart is closed?”
Greg points out that if we can learn to read ourselves and understand what triggers us, we’ll gain huge ground in managing our emotions, conflicts, and relationships well.
For more tips on managing conflict, see Greg’s book, .
Key Scriptures: James 1:19
Featured Songs: You Never Stop by Lincoln Brewster; Press On by Building 429; Beautiful You by Monk & Neagle
