We’re called to serve others. But how does that square with living in balanced relationships? Counselor Leslie Vernick is back to explore how to recognize and respond to unhealthy relationships.

Leslie shares her own wisdom, hard-earned from years in an unhealthy relationship with her mom and decades spent counseling others.

“If you’re the only one who’s the servant, how’s that going to feel after two weeks, two months? Then it turns into a long term ministry; it doesn’t really feel like a healthy relationship. There needs to be shared power and shared responsibility – we give and take where the relationship is good for both. So often I find so many women do not feel free in their relationship to say no. To disagree. To speak your own mind. [God] is not expecting unity to mean we all think the same thing. If we don’t have the freedom, that relationship is not healthy.”

There are three traits that are crucial to every healthy interaction:

Mutuality

Reciprocity

Freedom

What does the church counsel regarding unhealthy relationships? Leslie says, we need to be careful to balance biblical teaching and enabling.

“Typically the Christian who is holding on is counseled to do more of that. You have to speak up and say ‘We need to have a conversation.’ Otherwise you are going to feel resentful, tired, broken down, and you might start lobbing some verbal bombs of your own.”

Leslie urges those who are in imbalanced relationships to seek proper help, be honest with yourself and others about what’s happening, and take steps to make sure you keep yourself healthy. We can’t control the other person, we can’t save them, and we can’t stop them. However, we can set up proper boundaries to ensure that the interactions are safe, and perhaps limited.

Key Scriptures: Psalm 107:20; Ephesians 4:32; Ephesians 5:21-27

Featured Songs: Whom Shall I Fear by Chris Tomlin; You Reign by Lincoln Brewster; My Delight Is In You by Christy Nockels

Highlight : Can you serve too much?

Can I serve and set boundaries at the same time?